Quality Quotable Quips

Birth:
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I was so ugly, my mother used to feed me with a slingshot!

And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn’t born a boy, I’d have nothing to play with!

Childhood:
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I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back !!

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Growing up:
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I’m not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

A hooker once told me she had a headache

A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.”  I went over. Nobody was home!

After marriage
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Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee.  The only trouble was, she was coming home !!

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!

One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “Hey buddy…why are you doing that for?”  He said, “Because you came home early.”

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