New Weight Watchers Commercial Idea

Showing images of foods to avoid (bread, donuts, pasta, etc.) with Joan Jet singing “I hate myself for loving you”.

Day of the week savings time…

would explain why I sometimes forget what day it is.

If it will take less than 2 minutes

Do it now. It will be one less thing piling up in the back of your mind distracting you while you do things in the present. Anything more than 2 minutes, either schedule it to be done and stick to the schedule or let it go. If it is important, it will come back to you when you can deal with it and if it is not important than nothing has been lost but the worry.

Re-Purposing this Blog

This blog used to be a duplicate of my private blog. Now it will be used for posts for my children. I will eventually clean out the IT stuff they have no interest in, but will leave the old ramblings and jokes because that is something I hope they enjoy.

Don’t drink and scribe

There should be breathalyzers required to hit the submit button.

Sensitivity Trainer

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, “Someone should go and tell his wife.”

Bill says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it”.

2 hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack.

Charlie says, “Where did you get that, Bill?”

“Steve’s wife gave it to me.”

“That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?”

Bill says, “Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, ‘You must be Steve’s widow.'”

She said, “‘No, I’m not a widow.”

And I said, “Wanna bet me a six-pack?

I Didn't Do It

There were two little boys, 8 and 10 years old, very mischievous and naughty. They were always get into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their city, their sons were probably involved.

They boy’s mother heard that a clergyman in city had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning and 10-year-old in the afternoon to see the clergyman .

The clergyman, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?”.

They boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God!!?” Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “WHERE IS GOD!?”

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing – and they think WE did it!”

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Laughs

Little Tommy’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, “The 10 Most Wanted.”

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

“Yes,” said the policeman, “the detectives want him very badly.”

So Little Tommy asked, while tugging on the man’s belt, “Um, mister, why didn’t you keep them when you took their pictures?”

Maybe Next Time

I made good money on IBM way back when they were in the 70’s, but an article today about their $10 billion stock buy back reminds me I would have twice as much if I had held on to it.

Silence Enbolden

By the time the Chief pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.  “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded, “or just a bed, I don’t care where.”

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant – a Marine Gunny,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”

“No problem,” the tired Chief assured him, “I’ll take it.”

The next morning the Chief came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

“How’d you sleep?” asked the manager.

“Never better.”

The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring?”

“Nope, I shut him up in no time”, said the Chief.

“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.

“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Chief explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”